The British Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster

The Flying Spaghetti Monster

Have you been touched by his noodly appendage?

The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster

There are multiple theories of Intelligent Design. Many people around the world are of the strong belief that the universe was created by a Flying Spaghetti Monster. It was He who created all that we see and all that we feel. We feel strongly that the overwhelming scientific evidence pointing towards evolutionary processes is nothing but a coincidence, put in place by Him.

What else should I know?

We have evidence that a Flying Spaghetti Monster created the universe. None of us, of course, were around to see it, but we have written accounts of it. We have several lengthy volumes explaining all details of His power. Also, you may be surprised to hear that there are over 10 million of us, and growing. We tend to be very secretive, as many people claim our beliefs are not substantiated by observable evidence.

Scientific proof

He built the world to make us think the earth is older than it really is. For example, a scientist may perform a carbon-dating process on an artifact. He finds that approximately 75% of the Carbon-14 had decayed by electron emission to Nitorgen-14, and infers that this artifact is approximately 10,000 years old, as the half-life of Carbon-14 appears to be 5,730 years. But what our scientist does not realize is that every time he makes a measurement, the Flying Spaghetti Monster is there changing the results with His Noodly Appendage. We have numerous texts that describe in detail how this can be possible and the reasons why He does this. He is of Course invisible and can pass through normal matter with ease.

What does this mean?

We are sure you now realize how important it is that this alternate theory is spread. It is absolutely imperative that everyone realizes that observable evidence is at the discretion of a Flying Spaghetti Monster. Furthermore, it is disrespectful to teach our beliefs without wearing His chosen outfit, which of course is full pirate regalia. I cannot stress the importance of this enough, and unfortunately cannot describe in detail why this must be done as we have run out of space. The concise explanation is that He becomes angry if we don’t.

Conclusion

Thank you for taking the time to read about our views and beliefs. We hope this was able to convey the importance of teaching this theory to our children and to everyone. We can all look forward to the time when the three theories of creation are given equal time in our science classrooms across the country, and eventually the world; One third time for Intelligent Design, one third time for Flying Spaghetti Monsterism, and one third time for logical conjecture based on overwhelming observable evidence.

Why you should convert

There are many reasons why you should convert to Pastafarianism, although the most compelling can be summarised as follow:

  • Flimsy Moral Standards.
  • Every Friday is a religious holiday.
  • Our heaven is WAY better. We’ve got a Stripper* Factory AND a Beer Volcano.

(* Strippers of all genders and persuasion)

The Pasta Lord's Prayer

Our pasta, who art in a colander, draining be your noodles.

Thy noodle come, Thy sauce be yum, on top some grated Parmesan.

Give us this day our garlic bread, and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trample on our lawns.

And lead us not into vegetarianism, but deliver us some pizza, for thine is the meatball, the noodle, and the sauce, forever and ever.

R'Amen.

The Flying Spaghetti Monster